I’m not “vajazzled” and I never will be
Vajazzling. Seriously, where do I start?
It is defined by the official vajazzle website (really!) as ‘The act of applying glitter and jewels to a woman’s nether regions for aesthetic purposes’.
And by the Urban Dictionary as ‘To give the female genitals a sparkly makeover with crystals so as to enhance their appearance’.
That’s right, so even though we’re already supposed to be pulled, plucked, waxed and tweezed in all areas, now women are supposed to be ‘making-over’ their vulva with diamantes and crystals.
If you’re wondering who on earth thought of it, you can blame American actress/singer-songwriter Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Since writing a chapter on glittering your vulva in her self-help romance book, ‘The Day I Shot Cupid’, she has never looked back.
This latest celebrity fad is supposed to empower women and has been quoted in many sources such as Glamour magazine, as the ‘must have’ accessory this year.
In this YouTube clip, Love Hewitt gives Vajazzling as the answer to the question, ‘Give me an example from the book of something that helped you through a tough time.’
So, when you are having a tough time, please don’t consider telling a friend and seeking advice, instead just ‘vajazzle your vajajay!’ (Her quote, not mine.)
As a result, I learnt that vajazzling is not just for the pubic hair area. It is – I kid you not – increasingly popular to diamante your labia.
I seem to be the only person concerned with how uncomfortable this must be, but apparently 5, 475 people on Facebook disagree with me who like ‘Vajazzle your Vajajay’.
Of course, don’t dare mention the dreaded V-word. Instead concentrate on Lady Garden, Vajajay, anything but vulva or vagina (there, I’ve said it).
Vajazzling is supposed to empower women, yet the first question on the FAQ section on the official Vajazzle website is, ‘Will vajazzling hurt the man?’.
It’s clearly not about making yourself feel good, but about how to make yourself aesthetically pleasing. The Toronto Sun even suggests that you get your man’s initials vajazzled in Swarovski crystals as a Valentine’s gift for him.
Society tells us that as women, we are not allowed to embrace our sexuality unless it is for aesthetic purposes and voyeurism for primarily male viewers.
We’re not allowed to dress promiscuously, unless it’s for an airline advert or for the front page of a lads mag, in which case it’s okay. We’re not allowed to embrace our vaginas unless we call them ‘cute’ names and vajazzle them.
I ask you, what next?
Vajazzling simply reinforces double standards between men and women. Men are not pressured to change the appearance of their genitals yet women are supposed to turn their vulvas into fashion accessories.
As Laurie Penny in the New Statesman says, ‘nobody, so far, has suggested that men’s sexual equipment is unacceptable if it doesn’t taste like cake and sparkle like a disco ball.’
‘It’s all about making us feel that women’s bodies – which are supposed to smell, leak and grow hair – are shameful and need fixing. As long as the beauty and surgery industries remain profitable, female sexual shame will remain big business.’
The idea of thousands of women around the world begging to be vajazzled is depressing. We should embrace our genitalia the way they are. They don’t need to be accessorised and they certainly don’t need to be vajazzled.
But if this has depressed you, watch this You Tube clip of veteran poetry slammer, Katie Makkai defining the word “pretty”, which should cheer you up!
Further edit: Thanks to Hazel for picking up on the fact that vulva is the correct term for the external genital organs and vagina is the correct term for the internal genital organs.
I guess it says even more about vajazzling that they can’t even get the terminology right!