Susan Newcombe
WVoN co-editor
I often have a laugh to myself at some of the terms that bus drivers use to address me, such as darling, love or – more recently – chick.
I don’t usually get annoyed (more amused really), so I was interested to read that it has become something of a hot topic recently.
A woman in Brighton, Jo Walters, wrote to her local bus company to let them know that she didn’t like being called ‘love’ ‘darling’ or ‘babe’ by its drivers.
She wasn’t making a complaint. She just wanted them to know that, although she usually found their drivers friendly and courteous, some of them sometimes used language towards her that she found demeaning.
The bus company agreed with her and promised to let their drivers know.
But before you could say ‘Oi, love’, the local radio reported that drivers had been asked not to call people ‘babe’.
It then appeared in my local newspaper, the Metro and the Mail Online. It was discussed on Loose Women and various local radio stations.
Walters then wrote a piece for the Guardian (an English newspaper) about the coverage and the comments that it had generated, much of it painting her as an angry woman who should be grateful for the apparent compliment.
She didn’t make it a gender issue; the coverage and comments did.
In an e-mail interview with WVoN, she said that:
‘It’s a big generalisation and there have been lots of exceptions, but typically men are more critical and more likely to make comments like ‘get over it darling’.
There have been lots of women who don’t agree with my viewpoint (which is fine) but they were more likely to be supportive. I’m still very suprised by how much coverage the issue got and how angry it seems to have made some people!
Some of the comments were personal and made assumptions about my appearance, class, attitude and intentions. I was (sadly) expecting this sort of response but maybe not quite that level of malice.
It was interesting to see that lots of commenters had missed the point of my article which was that I didn’t think my email to the bus company was particularly newsworthy and that lots of the coverage was untrue so their comments reinforced some of my points about attitudes to women!’
But she should take comfort that she’s not alone. Most women asked by the Leicester Mercury said they would not complain – but were adamant they did not like being called “babe”.
Maria Kilgarriff, 29, from Evington, Leicester, said: ‘I would be offended by someone calling me ‘babe’ because there are connotations.’
Shannon Parkin, 16, from Aylestone, Leicester, said: “I don’t mind ‘darling’ but I don’t like ‘babe’.
‘It’s something only your boyfriend should be allowed to say to you.’
And Sophie Arnold, 18, Hinckley, unemployed was quite clear on how it makes her feel:
‘If a bus driver called me ‘babe’ I’d punch him! ‘Darling’ would be pushing his luck.’
So bus drivers be warned – next time I may not be so generous, particularly now I know I’m not alone.
Now, while I absolutely agree that ‘babe’ is totally inappropriate as it is belittling in any circumstance unless you really are a baby, I must say that I have always found the use of ‘darling’ or ‘love’ to address total strangers rather endearing when being in the UK. Especially as it is used by men and women towards others.
I think it is something very particular to the UK and I sometimes wished that people’s behavior in other countries were similar friendly.
It can be tricky, can’t it? Whilst language is undoubtedly important, and I’m understanding of people objecting to these kinds of words, I grew up in an area of (northern) England where a sentence wasn’t considered finished until the word ‘love’ was put on the end of it. Unless the word ‘chuck’ or ‘duck’ was used instead to keep things lively! I find it virtually impossible to find these words offensive, and I find it almost as impossible to stop them flowing out of my own mouth, they’re that automatic to me even after 20 years of living down south.
Is ‘babe’ a local dialect thing in Brighton? If not then it’s kind of out of order…but I ask because I have had friends get irked by being called ‘love’ or ‘duck’ in the midlands and the north, when to those of us who live here – as you say, Karen – it’s just part of how everyone talks.
I’m not the greatest fan of ‘darling’ because I’ve heard it in the context of the builders’ ‘ALRIGHT, DARLIN” too many times.
Just ran a few phrases through in my head and I suppose ‘babe’ or ‘babes’ is part of local speech in Essex & places in the south. Hmm. Still doesn’t feel as wholesome and old-fashioned as ‘ducky’ or ‘love’. I think it depends a lot on the context and tone…those little factors that make you feel uncomfortable but that are hard to describe after the fact.
I like Kate Fox’s comment in Jezebel’s article:
‘Kate Fox, author of Watching English and a social anthropologist, responded to the debate by suggesting the best way to deal with the situation is with humor — if someone calls you “babe” then say sarcastically, “Thanks, stud muffin!” or something along those lines. I’d agree in moments of clearly attempted affection — otherwise I’d probably opt for “Don’t call me babe,” and throw in an icy stare to boot.’
http://jezebel.com/5881430/dont-call-me-babe