Challenging the stigma of rape
Bethany Rivett
Rape survivor
Have you ever been the victim of a house burglary?
Most victims don’t need to be subjected to violence or see the burglars to no longer want to live in their house. They feel “dirty”, that their personal space has been invaded.
Friends and neighbours will be curious as to how the burglar got in. But even if the back window was left open or the door unlocked, the victim is not blamed.
You are the victim and what the thief (or thieves) did by entering your property and stealing or destroying your belongings is unthinkable. The burglar will forever remain a criminal and you the victim of a horrible crime.
What if I told you that I was raped? What if I was wearing a short skirt when I was raped? Would that be the same as an open window? Would easy access to my property be a factor that people would hold against me?
In the case of the burglary, the open window is disregarded; the thief should not be entering to begin with.
In the case of rape do you feel the same about what a girl is wearing? Is it her fault or the rapist’s? Would he have left me alone if my skirt had been five inches lower?
When I was raped, I was on my way to buy food, wearing flip flops, shorts and a t-shirt. I was dragged off of the main street and raped. Was that my fault? Was there something about me that led the rapist to think he had access to me?
When I told my friends I had been raped, they were not quite sure what to say. The questions they asked me seemed suggested I was the one at fault. What time of day was it? What was I wearing? Was I alone? Was I drunk?
But should they not have focused on the crime HE committed? HE was the one who forced the door open, HE was the one who came up the stairs and HE was the one who stole from me.
HE had the power and I had none. HE stole all my belongings and I was left with the empty house.
Somebody penetrated me sexually using violence. He held me so hard and covered my mouth so that I couldn’t move or scream. But my experience is that rape victims are the ones kept at arms length, subjected to mental scrutiny and interrogation.
When I told people I’d been raped, I was faced with reactions of utter discomfort. Some people were scared to discuss it, some didn’t make eye contact while others said the necessary things in order to move on and change the conversation.
Although people were not conscious of how they were making me feel, these reactions provoked shame and embarrassment. If someone got struck by lightening would you interrogate them? Where were they were standing? What were they wearing? Were they alone?
Why does society struggle with truly accepting people who have been raped as victims? I think there are many reasons but the main one is clear – people are scared of rape. Scared that it will happen to them and scared to talk about it.
We see advertisements for rape prevention but very rarely do we see support for victims. We have no voice because society is scared to hear it.
After becoming a victim of rape I feel that I was further victimised by society. It was as if the rape wasn’t a random act but something I had brought on myself.
In a world where sexualisation dominates and even children idolise sexualised figures, why are we so uncomfortable with talking about rape?
As a rape survivor I feel it’s my responsibility to speak out and give people the chance to understand things from a victim’s perspective.
This is why I am looking for rape victims who are willing to take part in dance therapy workshops. These workshops, held in a supportive space with dance therapists and counsellors, aim to give survivors a different way of experiencing therapy.
As a rape victim I know how hard it is to articulate the feelings that stem from rape. I asked myself, ‘we feel in our body so why not communicate through movement?’
I am asking other victims to join my ambition to change public attitudes to rape. Together we can overcome and change the stigma.
As Ghandi once said “Be the change you want to see in the world”.
Click here to find out more about the dance workshops and my efforts to challenge the stigma of rape.
Hi Bethany
I too was raped, twice. The first attack was at a friend’s party by four boys, the second by a colleague at the Saturday job I worked in. Both attacks happened before I was 16 and in neither case was it anything to do with what I was wearing. My take on it was that it was a crime of chauvinism – boys and men thinking that what they wanted counted more than what I wanted. When I finally told members of my family 30 years later they treated me as if I was the attacker, not the victim. I don’t think people are scared of rape, I think they are scared of confronting the very real problem that socialising one group of people to think of themselves as superior to another brings with regard to abusing the inferior group. Until we see sexism as dangerous as racism, violence against women and girls will not stop, with two women a week at least being killed for various transgressions against the supremecists code of conduct for the ‘inferior’ gender in much the same way as racism results in death for the ‘inferior’ race.
Good for you. I applaud you for speaking up about this,for helping others to understand this appalling crime from your perspective and I wish you the very best of luck with your venture.
Thank you for this guest post. I will certainly forward it on to my friends in the UK, to spread the word of your dance therapy workshops!
Thank you Melissa and MAPLELEEF for your kind words. Any spreading of this venture would be greatly appreciated!!!!!