She just didn’t listen

A new domestic abuse initiative has now been extended across England and Wales.

This means that someone can ring the police if they have concerns about a partner’s past.  The police will then decide whether to tell you about the partner’s abusive past. If they have a record. Or not, if not.

The scheme – the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme, known as ‘Clare’s Law’ – came about after the tragic death of Clare Wood, who was murdered in 2009 by her former boyfriend, a man she met on Facebook.

After her murder, it transpired he had several previous convictions.

Her family since have fought for future potential partners of convicted violent criminals to have the right to know about those convictions.

Statistically, one woman is killed every 3 days in the United Kingdom, and this hasn’t changed since recording these particular statistics began.

I worked with domestic abuse survivors for ten years. It was frustrating, because despite the work we did, the numbers of deaths didn’t decrease.  They stayed the same despite an increase in awareness, media attention and of course, new laws.

A woman I know experienced domestic abuse as a child, and for the first 15 years of her life she lived with an abusive father. The effects lasted much longer. Her abusive father didn’t have any previous convictions and when he married her young mother at 16 there was no signs of the impending control, violence, fear and isolation which blighted all their lives.

When Clare’s Law was announced, I thought to myself, what would have happened if this new pilot scheme had been around 40 years ago? What difference would it have made to such a situation then? Unfortunately, I think nothing.

My intention is not to be negative about Clare’s Law. I do see its value, and I totally understand why Clare’s family have been driven to do something.  To feel that something positive had to come out of their painful tragic horrific experience.

Of course there is the possibility that this could save someone. It’s very likely, in fact, and that is why it has to be supported. One person could be protected and that is enough.

I do have concerns though.

What about the woman who finds out her new boyfriend had been in prison for rape. The rape is explained away as something a vindictive 16 year-old accused him of. It was her fault. The new partner believes him.

Another woman is told by neighbours that her current partner is a known paedophile. She chooses not to believe it because he said it was made up.

How many of us have chosen not to believe or make an excuse for the fact our partner was jealous, unfaithful, lazy or abusive?  They wouldn’t behave like that with us, would they?

So I’ll give you an example of what I think could happen.

Katie rings the police as someone told her at toddler group that her new boyfriend Mike had stalked his previous girlfriend. The police decide to tell Katie yes, that’s right, he has previous convictions for stalking.

Katie speaks to Mike and he’s adamant his ex-girlfriend made it up, she’s a psycho and jealous, evil.

Katie stays with Mike. Mike becomes abusive. Katie leaves Mike. Mike stalks Katie. Mike kills Katie. It’s Katie’s fault, because she knew about Mike.

She just didn’t listen.

Is this what could happen?  The onus falling heavily onto the victim yet again? I fear that this will be the case for some.

Anyone who has worked in the sector trying to protect victims from domestic abuse will welcome anything that could help, however Clare’s Law comes at a time when funding is still being cut for front-line services.

It was recently reported that 15 per cent of specialised services in England have shut because of cuts in funding between 2010 and 2013. Domestic violence officers in the police service are inundated but have few resources to tackle the amount of, often, complex cases. Work within schools to promote safe relationships with young people has been cut.

Domestic abuse happens not because of drink or drugs or alcohol, not because you were abused or because you’re poor or your football team lost, not because you met someone on a dating site or Facebook.

All of these reasons can be used, but they are excuses.

If you raise your hand,  you chose to do it. If you call your partner a slag, you choose to do it. If you kill your partner, you choose to do it.

Clare’s Law may help potential victims, but more work, funding and services have to be provided to prevent domestic abuse in the first place.

This new initiative has to be welcome – despite the concerns, it will no doubt help one person. But above and beyond that, domestic abuse has to be approached by society – the third sector, the private sector,  women, men, children, schools, doctors, hospitals, teachers, nurses, relatives and friends.

You and me.